Membership to the Institute of Klutzville

On the weekend I cracked a mood and decided that I wanted a nice sparkling, gleaming shower. Lately it has become a bit scummy as I haven’t been cleaning as often as I’d like. So there I was on hands and knees happily squirting Shower Power (good stuff!) all over the place and using an old toothbrush to scrub the corners of the grime, partially getting high from all the fumes. In my enthusiasm I forgot that I was directly under the soap holder. The stainless steel soap holder that has been permanently fixed to the wall of the shower, the soap holder where I reach out for my soap everyday, and most importantly has always been there – never been moved. So I went to stand up and “WHACK!” the back of my head connected with the steel – I think I almost saw stars I hit myself on the head THAT hard. Actually, when I think about it, as my head connected with the holder it was probably more of a “DOOONG” sound…..if you can imagine an empty coconut with no juices hitting the holder thingy, making a hollow sound, yeah that’s my brain…empty most of the time.

I stood there, half dazed and then felt my head start throbbing. That wasn’t all. I had gotten up so that I could turn around and clean the other corner. So I think I must have still been dazed because as I turned round to squat at the other corner of the shower “POKE! OUCH WHAT THE F##(*&%#(!”. I had squatted down right on to my opened bottle of Shower Power. If I had moved a bit more to the left it would have gone right up my bum!!. I am a heifer because the plastic tip of the bottle had scrapped away some skin. It started stinging after a while and when I had finished cleaning I had to stick a band aid over the scrape. I was bleeding. The worst part was having to bend over, look over my shoulder at the mirror to try to stick the band aid on. If there was a hidden camera in my bathroom whoever is spying on me would be pissing themselves, on the floor even, at the sight of me trying to put this damn band aid on my bum.

Then in the car for the rest of the weekend, I’d forget that I have this lump at the back of my head, lean back on to the headrest and remind myself “OUCH DAMMIT F*((#%(#!” That lump is still there.

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This is how dysfunctional I can be. The other half ‘surprised’ me with a 5 yr anniversary gift. Of course I hadn’t prepared in advance and hadn’t gotten anything for him. I am very slack when it comes to anniversaries, birthdays etc. So when he presented me with that baby blue box and white ribbon I knew straightaway what I could get him. Of course the gift was beautiful as it always is from this place of the baby blue boxes and white ribbons. More please. He he he. Next day, I did my shopping for his gift and when he picked me up, I TAH DAH! ‘SURPRISED’ him with his own baby blue box and white ribbon. But wait, there’s more. Not only did I get him a gift, but I also bought something else for myself! I just couldn’t resist. That is why I am dysfunctional. I wonder, did I go in to buy something for him, or was I going in for myself. So this weekend I am all baby blue boxed out. I managed to score for myself a new necklace (from him) and a new ring (from me to…me). He has his goodies too. I will be crying in anticipation of my cc bill this month.

The one about my inner psycho

I organized a dinner on Friday night with some friends. The restaurant that we all agreed on has decent, reasonable priced dishes which explains its popularity. Earlier on during the week I called up and made the booking, reserving a table at 7.30pm. We all turned up at 7.30pm only to be told by the waiter ‘we thought you were coming at 6.30pm – your booking was at 6.30pm’. I am certain that I did not make the booking for 6.30pm as I was coming from work and no way was I, or anyone else able to make it to the restaurant by 6.30pm from our respective offices. As expected on a Friday night the place was packed and the manager told us that we would have to wait for a table and he threw in a ‘Next time please call us if you are going to be late’ with a condescending smile. I could feel steam coming out of my ears. Not only had they stuffed up our booking but this guy had the nerve to assume that it was our fault. Did it ever occur to you that your staff may have made the mistake? Before my head exploded I replied firmly and politely with ‘Excuse me but I don’t think it’s a matter of us being late – there must have been a miscommunication and you have booked our table for 6.30pm instead of 7.30pm’. The manager's smile became a bit frozen after that because I don’t think he expected us, or rather me, to stand up for our selves. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the mouth of a dinner companion drop open. Said dinner companion is the meek, non confrontational type. He is also very cantonese and I could see the thoughts flashing through his mind "Tiu did she just tell the manager off?!! Double tiu they are going to spit in our food and they are going to make us wait even longer. I'm so hungry already what does this silly girl think she is doing."

I suppose with a restaurant that popular the staff couldn’t care less about filling tables as there are always customers with empty stomachs lining outside your door. So its no biggie to this guy if we wait or not. As with a lot of Cantonese/Chinese restaurants, a listing of reservations for the night is made on a separate piece of paper to the diary and I suspect this is where the mistake has been made. Whoever made the list incorrectly booked us for 6.30pm as I distinctly remember the person whom I made the booking with confirm it was for 7.30pm.

So…rather than giving these people our $$ we left and ate somewhere else because the place was packed and it could be another 30mins before we got a table. And also because I don’t take kindly to being told that it was our mistake when I am positive it is not. Plus plus plus, I know what goes on in restaurants being an ex-waitress and who knows whether our crab noodles with ginger and shallots might be tinged with extra ‘salt’. Yum. I might be crazy but I am not dumb. Although, some might argue that I am as who knows whether they have pinned up my photo in the kitchen with instructions to put 'extra special ingredients' when I next dine there.

We still got to eat our crab noodles with ginger and shallots at another place down the road so all in all, a good night. Don’t think I will be going back to evil restaurant. Too busy that they can’t even get my booking right, and staff have just become too arrogant. Serves that guy right for trying to tell me off. Don’t think you can tell me I’m wrong and get away with it. I have an inner psycho that doesn't come out as often as it used to. But when it appears, I am sure my second head looks damn ugly and you might up having nightmares after a confrontation with me. But please don't think I am real tough or a meanie. After all, someone who posts photos of cute dogs can't be all that bad..right?

What have I achieved so far?

It has recently hit me that we are now in the dying moments of 2006. What have I done with my life this year of the Dog? Apart from making our BIGGEST EVER FINANCIAL COMMITMENT ie. buying a house, everything else seems to be falling in to place. There has also been a lot of growing up by the other half. Life has become one big cycle. Wake up, work, eat, sleep, potter round the house, see weekends flash by and come Monday think where did the weekend go???!! Have parents and friends constantly asking so when are you guys planning on having a baby? (answer: I don’t know). What happened to those years when I could go out as late as I want and still wake up and function normally the next day? Hang out with the friends whenever we had a free moment – now the majority have settled all over the world. Eat anything what I want and still fit comfortably in to those jeans. And most importantly when the boobs were still nice and perky. Nowadays it feels like the knees are chanting please come down and play with us.
This year has been particularly difficult for me compared to recent years. Whether you believe is or not, in the Chinese horoscope, the dog is the least compatible with my animal sign. Hence this year of the dog proved to be quite frustrating at times. This could be why it felt like this year was one filled with roadblocks, huge bumps and some major obstacles. As much as I want to keep on pushing ahead, nothing has been going my way so I end up getting very frustrated and myself and the situation. However I still remind myself that there are others in far worst situations than me. I was once told by a face reader that whilst I will experience some fairly big shit in my lifetime, fate has determined that I will always fall on my feet, and things will not always be as bad as it could be. Others won’t be as fortunate.

Finally I realize that my relationship with my sister has improved significantly this year. Perhaps it me changing and mellowing, maybe she’s changing. But things are much better now than they ever were.