Membership to the Institute of Klutzville

On the weekend I cracked a mood and decided that I wanted a nice sparkling, gleaming shower. Lately it has become a bit scummy as I haven’t been cleaning as often as I’d like. So there I was on hands and knees happily squirting Shower Power (good stuff!) all over the place and using an old toothbrush to scrub the corners of the grime, partially getting high from all the fumes. In my enthusiasm I forgot that I was directly under the soap holder. The stainless steel soap holder that has been permanently fixed to the wall of the shower, the soap holder where I reach out for my soap everyday, and most importantly has always been there – never been moved. So I went to stand up and “WHACK!” the back of my head connected with the steel – I think I almost saw stars I hit myself on the head THAT hard. Actually, when I think about it, as my head connected with the holder it was probably more of a “DOOONG” sound…..if you can imagine an empty coconut with no juices hitting the holder thingy, making a hollow sound, yeah that’s my brain…empty most of the time.

I stood there, half dazed and then felt my head start throbbing. That wasn’t all. I had gotten up so that I could turn around and clean the other corner. So I think I must have still been dazed because as I turned round to squat at the other corner of the shower “POKE! OUCH WHAT THE F##(*&%#(!”. I had squatted down right on to my opened bottle of Shower Power. If I had moved a bit more to the left it would have gone right up my bum!!. I am a heifer because the plastic tip of the bottle had scrapped away some skin. It started stinging after a while and when I had finished cleaning I had to stick a band aid over the scrape. I was bleeding. The worst part was having to bend over, look over my shoulder at the mirror to try to stick the band aid on. If there was a hidden camera in my bathroom whoever is spying on me would be pissing themselves, on the floor even, at the sight of me trying to put this damn band aid on my bum.

Then in the car for the rest of the weekend, I’d forget that I have this lump at the back of my head, lean back on to the headrest and remind myself “OUCH DAMMIT F*((#%(#!” That lump is still there.

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This is how dysfunctional I can be. The other half ‘surprised’ me with a 5 yr anniversary gift. Of course I hadn’t prepared in advance and hadn’t gotten anything for him. I am very slack when it comes to anniversaries, birthdays etc. So when he presented me with that baby blue box and white ribbon I knew straightaway what I could get him. Of course the gift was beautiful as it always is from this place of the baby blue boxes and white ribbons. More please. He he he. Next day, I did my shopping for his gift and when he picked me up, I TAH DAH! ‘SURPRISED’ him with his own baby blue box and white ribbon. But wait, there’s more. Not only did I get him a gift, but I also bought something else for myself! I just couldn’t resist. That is why I am dysfunctional. I wonder, did I go in to buy something for him, or was I going in for myself. So this weekend I am all baby blue boxed out. I managed to score for myself a new necklace (from him) and a new ring (from me to…me). He has his goodies too. I will be crying in anticipation of my cc bill this month.