So what?

So you think you deserve another chance? You won't be getting any from me. You just need to get a new attitude before I will even bother with you. Just because you promised him something doesn't mean that you are redeemed in my eyes. Your promises tend to mean nothing anyway and you just end up hurting those who love you, especially him. He wishes he could have a normal relationship with you, he tries very hard, you just brush his gestures off like it means nothing to you. I feel like smacking you over the head everytime he is let down by you. You just don't know what you are missing out on. You need to learn yourself some respect.

You only come sniffing around when you need something, never hear a peep from you when things are going fine at your end. Your intentions are so obvious to me. Its a harder lesson for your family to realise this about you. I feel sorry for you that you are ashamed of your own family just because they cannot get along with those around you. You just need to grow up and be the bigger man.

One day you will come to him with nothing, no more family, no more fake friends, and you will ask for his help. You will only do this when you have been stripped totally, burned all your bridges, lost all your integrity. You know he will always welcome you, no matter how much you disrespect him. You just don't know how lucky you are. You are a fool.

In the meanwhile, continue as you normally do. Toss your scraps when you are feeling generous. Appear and disappear as you like. Just don't expect me to be nice to you. You have a long way to go before I can even think about respecting you.

Where did it go?

Time has just disappeared. Before I can say "Oh-shat-I-have-a-holiday-to-save-for" it might be too late now. Busy at work. Busy at home. No time to do things on weekends. The dress I started making back in Feb is still unfinished. It might just remain so. All the junk that I was planning too clear out is still gathering dust in the cupboards. No time to even dream at night I am so exhausted when I fall in to bed.

12 July 2004.
Its been 3 years. I know you were playing tricks on me last night by tipping the fork off the plate...twice. The other half was puzzled but I knew. Hope you are doing alright. This year your youngest has gone home to be close to you. I still remember and I won't forget.