The victim

I see one of 3 possibilities for you:

1. You call it quits and leave him like you have said so many times before. This is the best outcome of you and her and you know it. She deserves much better than what she has now. However I doubt this will happen because you have continued like this for so long you cannot dig yourself out of the mess you have created for yourself and for her.
2. You go back to him and bide your time until she is ready to come back and you both leave him behind. In the meanwhile you just save that little nest egg for yourself and for her because you cannot come back with nothing. You would be foolish to return with nothing.
3. You go back to him and you kick up and stink and fight like its the end for you both. Then when you both calm down things will slowly get back to normal while you pretend there is no problem. Until it comes back again. This is the most likely thing that will happen because its happened so many times before I have lost count. It is how you are, how it always has been and is all you know to do. Always a victim and never taking control of your own life. What a joke.

I feel sorry she is caught in this situation but I don't feel sorry for you. You need to grow up, take responsibility for your actions, stop running away from your problems and deal with it. It's gone on so long you must be tired of it by now.

Friends

Friendship is when you’re on holidays overseas and you get those pearl earrings for her thinking she’ll like them only to find out later that whilst she was in Hong Kong recently she had bought you some MAC goodies thinking you’d make use of them. Freaky is when you meet up for dinner you are both wearing almost identical outfit of black pants, white striped work shirt under a black wool vest.

Observation

I didn't know taking a trip overseas was this hard. For some reason I think it's just cause we are going to see the out-laws. Nothing is ever easy when it comes to the other half's parents.

Never mind, after 25 tins of Corned beef and more chocolates and lollies than I have ever bought in my lifetime everyone should be happy.

So what?

So you think you deserve another chance? You won't be getting any from me. You just need to get a new attitude before I will even bother with you. Just because you promised him something doesn't mean that you are redeemed in my eyes. Your promises tend to mean nothing anyway and you just end up hurting those who love you, especially him. He wishes he could have a normal relationship with you, he tries very hard, you just brush his gestures off like it means nothing to you. I feel like smacking you over the head everytime he is let down by you. You just don't know what you are missing out on. You need to learn yourself some respect.

You only come sniffing around when you need something, never hear a peep from you when things are going fine at your end. Your intentions are so obvious to me. Its a harder lesson for your family to realise this about you. I feel sorry for you that you are ashamed of your own family just because they cannot get along with those around you. You just need to grow up and be the bigger man.

One day you will come to him with nothing, no more family, no more fake friends, and you will ask for his help. You will only do this when you have been stripped totally, burned all your bridges, lost all your integrity. You know he will always welcome you, no matter how much you disrespect him. You just don't know how lucky you are. You are a fool.

In the meanwhile, continue as you normally do. Toss your scraps when you are feeling generous. Appear and disappear as you like. Just don't expect me to be nice to you. You have a long way to go before I can even think about respecting you.

Where did it go?

Time has just disappeared. Before I can say "Oh-shat-I-have-a-holiday-to-save-for" it might be too late now. Busy at work. Busy at home. No time to do things on weekends. The dress I started making back in Feb is still unfinished. It might just remain so. All the junk that I was planning too clear out is still gathering dust in the cupboards. No time to even dream at night I am so exhausted when I fall in to bed.

12 July 2004.
Its been 3 years. I know you were playing tricks on me last night by tipping the fork off the plate...twice. The other half was puzzled but I knew. Hope you are doing alright. This year your youngest has gone home to be close to you. I still remember and I won't forget.

The circus is coming to town

So we are going to visit the inlaws overseas. I was happy with it before. I had visions of a nice relaxing break, discovering the other half's home country. Our iterinery was to spend a couple of days in the capital MLA , before flying out to see the in-laws who live in ZBNG. But now....... Not only is the MIL constantly on our case to extend our trip there, (we are only there for a total of 2 weeks which is more than enough for me) but she has also generously decided to FLY TO MLA TO GREET US, SPEND HER TIME WITH US IN MLA and then escort us back to ZBNG. (I think she just wants to make sure we don't sneak off to the pretty island with beautiful beaches without her). I am sucking bitter lemons about it. Why couldn't she just be patient and wait for us to get to ZBNG??? WHY WHY WHY? Now I have to spend my WHOLE HOLIDAY with her. I want to cry.

The other half's birthday falls around the time we are in ZBNG. The MIL's informed us to "leave it to me" to organise a party for the birthday boy. I have heard that they want to fly out some relatives from MLA to ZBNG so they can attend the party. I have visions of arriving in ZBNG and exiting the arrivals lounge to find the whole village has turned up holding up cards, with our names on it. No wait, the place might be so small that there is no need to locate the foreigners. I think we might be the only foreigners getting off the flight. I will make sure I have my camera handy to record the birds eye view on being pounced on at the airport. I must practise my deer in headlights look NOW. Twisted.

CR Sale

I went nuts and now I feel as poor as a church mouse. Not only was I waiting outside the doors of CR on Collins Street at 7.55am yesterday, I managed to cover 4 CR stores in ONE DAY!! CR on Collins Street first thing in the morning, CR Melb Central AND Myer at lunch time, and finally CR in GW at the end of the day. And on the day I actaully have something to look forward to coming home to, ie. mad dash to CR GW,...my train breaks down and we are left sitting on the tracks for about 15 minutes with no air con on a relatively stuffy and hot day. It's like I was possessed to BUY BUY BUY!

Got a doona cover, 4 pillow cases, 2 casual tops, 1 silk top, 1 (according to the other half a "fashion victim") coat, and 1 pinstriped 'what-to-wear-when-feeling-fat" top. Oh, and a hoodie for the other half. (Boring)

Of course, having the extra VIP 20% off sale prices helped too. Now I am broke.
:(